Scenic Thingsville, US!

Scrap Metal Vader

Azrael Brown — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 23:43:03 +0000

Sculptor Alain Bellino works in scrap metal, and if only he lived an a galaxy far, far away, Darth Vader might have looked more like a Victorian teakettle than evil incarnate:

United States Death Trip

Azrael Brown — Fri, 04 Nov 2011 15:48:07 +0000

Wisconsin Death Trip has been a cult book favorite since the 1970s, with its juxtaposition of great black-and-white photography with tales of woe and destruction in the distant forests of central Wisconsin. Wifey and I have both fallen in love with the film adaptation, too. Despite accusations of historical infidelity, the book remains haunting, but the title doesn’t really jive for me. It has a very psychadelic 70s sound to it, which doesn’t hurt its purpose, but I couldn’t figure out what it meant. So, I went online looking for anything to explain it, and if any other states have death trips of their own. Everything I found seemed to point back to this book as the source of the term, and a few states have a pretty solid following for their own localized version of the term. Math geeks, here’s some chart porn for you, below the fold:

“(State) Death Trip”, according to the number of Google results.

Wisconsin (1,010,000)	/ (lots) /
Illinois (8,830)
Texas (7,930)
California (5,960)
Kansas (5,930)
New York (3,740)
Michigan (2,730)
Colorado (2,470)
Iowa (862)
Pennsylvania (557)
Massachusetts (382)
Indiana (286)
Arizona (150)
Minnesota (125)
Tennessee (92)
Connecticut (39)
Oklahoma (9)
Wyoming (9)
Alaska (8)
Louisiana (8)
Montana (7)
Washington (7)
Idaho (6)
Nevada (6)
Florida (5)
Virginia (5)
Kentucky (4)
Nebraska (4)
New Jersey (4)
Oregon (4)
Ohio (3)
West Virginia (3)
Alabama (2)
Georgia (2)
New Mexico (2)
Maine (1)
Mississippi (1)
Missouri (1)
North Carolina (1)
Utah (1)
Vermont (1)
Arkansas (0)
Delaware (0)
Hawaii (0)
Maryland (0)
New Hampshire (0)
North Dakota (0)
Rhode Island (0)
South Carolina (0)
South Dakota (0)

Victory Oil

Azrael Brown — Tue, 01 Nov 2011 03:34:35 +0000

I’ve been driving through Minnesota regularly for work, and a new brand of gas station has been springing up. Here it is:

My first reaction was: are they filming a movie around here? The design is too crisp, the name too generic, the sudden appearance too spontaneous for this to be real. It’s like a brand right out of a movie.

In fact, that movie might just be 1984. Remember, Victory Cigarettes, Victory Coffee, and Victory Gin were ways to intoxicate the citizens into submission — the prominent, solid “V” needs little else to evoke a boot stamping on a human face forever. If I didn’t know better, I’d even wager there’s a degree of social commentary, a little reflection on America contentedly suckling at the petroleum industry’s teat: ‘V for Vandura‘ opening your eyes to what’s been around you the whole time. Turns out, it’s just a cheap gas brand.

This brand of gasoline comes courtesy of Adium Oil Company, a Minnesota-based oil distributor, so I guess a heaping helping of Minnesota Nice can counteract some of the authoritarian overtones. Sociopaths in Guy Fawkes masks can rest easy: this V isn’t for anything more suspicious than low-priced gasoline. Advantage Brands Ltd is responsible for the branding itself, and as a typographical fan, I really love the fact that they make available print-quality versions of their logos right on the website.

See, that’s not so bad, right? Makes me downright nostalgic for those happy-dappy days of Oceania’s iron-fist rule. Advantage Brands is really missing out by not expanding their reach into other gas-station necessities like cigarettes and booze. I would totally fill my tank at a Victory-brand gas station if it means I could pick up a pack of Victory Cigarettes and a liter of Victory Gin to set on my bookshelf of dystopian novels. There’s only one problem, though: Victory Cigarettes are already a real thing. Maybe I’m just too literary to be allowed to shop at gas stations. I can’t imagine, for as universal as 1984 imagery is, that nobody in the marketing department thought using ‘victory’ as a brand name would draw those connections.

You’re The Webby Awards Now, Dog

Azrael Brown — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 10:16:00 +0000

She taps my shoulder, because I’m laughing so hard at the computer. I take off my headphones, she asks what it is, so I unplug the headphones to allow the sound to fill the room.

She, sadly, was not as amused.

No, It’s Not Good At All

Azrael Brown — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 08:02:00 +0000

You know I love Banksy, and Simon Cowell does now, too, thanks to a million-dollar gift from Santa. Cowell got the above artwork by Banksy, a poorly photoshopped version of Degas’ Dance Class At The Opera, with the bitchy American Idol judge included, ready to release a deluge of insulting cruelty on the Victorian ballerina before him. Maybe she can come back next year, after getting some professional training first.

Find The Red Balloon

Azrael Brown — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 18:22:00 +0000

If you see one of these today, let me know. I, um, lost them, and, er, want them back.

DARPA are offering a big cash prize to anyone who can correctly list the GPS coordinates of these red balloons. I can only gather that, in the interest of making it difficult, one or more will be here in North Dakota, so I’ll be keeping my eyes open. The game is designed to test the reliability of information found by mechanical turks, social networks, or other online adhocracies. Bigger social sites, notably Fark and Metafilter, are planning on donating winnings to charity. Contestants have nine days to turn in their data; I’m predicting a correct and vetted winner will come forward within an hour of the balloons’ release.

Fart on Pet

Azrael Brown — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 07:14:00 +0000

English teachers at Ben Franklin Junior High in Fargo, only a block away from this sign, must be patting themselves on the back. Some students actually paid attention on anagram day:

I’m not sure what they did with the extra ‘R’ when rearranging ‘APT FOR RENT’, but they did ‘fix’ both sides the same way.

The Only Explanation

Azrael Brown — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 17:33:00 +0000

The photo on the left has been passed around the internet for a while, causing much consternation about how the guy could even walk in those pants without looking like a goofball. Now that we’ve got the diagram on the right, things make much, much more sense:

Dogs: Cheap Labor

Azrael Brown — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 23:29:00 +0000

Either the shrooms are taking hold, or this pharmacist screwed up my prescription again.

“Huh? Oh, yeah – Marlboros, hard pack. Sorry, was I staring?”

Illinois, Home of Superman

Azrael Brown — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 08:12:00 +0000

National Geographic asked all 100 US senators to draw a map of their state, including at least three points of interest. Dick Durbin of Illinois included Chicago (home of Obama and the Bears), Springfield (Home of Abe Lincoln and Durbin himself; no mention of the Simpsons) — and Metropolis, home of Superman. Cute, funny, but before you start to rant about Durbin being a jackass when Nat Geo just wants to spread the literacy of geography, always check Google Maps first. Yes, Metropolis, Illinois is a real place.