The photo on the left has been passed around the internet for a while, causing much consternation about how the guy could even walk in those pants without looking like a goofball. Now that we’ve got the diagram on the right, things make much, much more sense:

Either the shrooms are taking hold, or this pharmacist screwed up my prescription again.

“Huh? Oh, yeah – Marlboros, hard pack. Sorry, was I staring?”

National Geographic asked all 100 US senators to draw a map of their state, including at least three points of interest. Dick Durbin of Illinois included Chicago (home of Obama and the Bears), Springfield (Home of Abe Lincoln and Durbin himself; no mention of the Simpsons) — and Metropolis, home of Superman. Cute, funny, but before you start to rant about Durbin being a jackass when Nat Geo just wants to spread the literacy of geography, always check Google Maps first. Yes, Metropolis, Illinois is a real place.

When you want to get your dog into the country, but avoid those pesky quarantine rules, what do you do? Put the dog in your carry-on, and hope security isn’t watching the x-ray machine. Sadly, they were watching.

James Lileks knows how to get right to the pulse of the football fan: interview a creature that can only speak in grunts and whines:

I suppose that’s about as good as trying to talk to a Bears fan, anyway.

Facebook’s RECAPTCHA is psychic: how’d they know my favorite rapper was Shorty Bigamist? He’s a white, Episcopalian salesman who has a couple kids in Houston, a couple in St Louis, but calls Chicago his home – most of his raps are about the difficulty of scheduling around three Christmases, or the advantage of using the same cute nickname for all three wives:

More for my Milwaukee Harley-owning friends, here’s a way to get your kid started young – “Because hes got no drivers license and because of his own room being the only safe district, he needs a hybrid of chopper and rocking horse. With this machine he could learn to keep his balance and most of all to sit on it in easy position. So he closes his eyes and his arms broad.“Made by Felix Götze

Few creatures of burden were of more use to the Empire than the Giant Chipmunk. It’s too bad those parts of the movie were cut. Better than those damn Ewoks.

The above photo is not a photoshop. Photographer Chris McVeigh, rather than doing his laundry or solving world peace, devoted his spare time to training his neighborhood wild squirrels to tolerate being photographed with toys. When almonds are involved, a squirrel will put up with all kinds of crap.

Oh, the humanity! The crash started a small file, engulfing the community with the savory flavor of the finest beef sausages ever made by mankind.

Sorry, no, there was no fire. Left in drive, the wienermobile wrangler stepped on the gas and lept forward into the house when she tried to back up.

Who knew Chuck E Cheese has been around so long? I wonder if Grandpa liked the pizza back then:

“Where a child can behave as a ruffian without fear of being flogged” really gets the point across, but I can see why they shortened it over the years.